Episode 9: Finally, Some Action!

The team was all sass and vinegar as they boarded the jet to Prague, the last place Mark Hazzard had been seen. With Beans on board, it felt like the team was complete. He was the child they had always wished they could have together.

At 52, Lady Midnight was still as foxy as ever, and Hardy made sure to tell her so.

“You haven’t changed a bit,” Hardy said.

“You have,” she said, eying his muscles appreciatively. “You’ve gotten stronger.”

“You’ve gotten prettier,” he said.

“Cute talk, loverboy,” she said. “I’d like to see you try something.”

“Maybe I will,” Hardy joked. “And maybe I’ll just suck an egg.”

“Hey, you hear that guys?” John Nightnight asked. “Someone’s getting in trouuuuubllllle.” That was his catchphrase, and it made everyone laugh, even Beans.

“Cool it guys,” Snog-Dog said. “Let’s get some pie!” That was his catchphrase, and everyone laughed at that one too. Except for Beans, who didn’t think it was a very clever catchphrase.

“Man, it’s good to see you guys,” Hardy cried with tears of joy. “I wish we had some action right now.”

Just then he looked out the window and saw another airplane flying dangerously close to theirs. He looked even closer and it was Mark Hazzard flying the plane! On the wing was one of Hazzard’s toadies, the lethal and abominable Chester Torque.

“Oh shit you guys,” said Hardy, “It’s Torque! And he’s got a hole-cutter!”

They all braced for battle as Torque cut a hole in the plane and jumped inside. He came in with guns blazing, shooting at everything he could. They all ducked behind their chairs and started pounding him with their melee tactics. First Hardy shot at him with a pistol. That didn’t work because Torque was wearing bullet-deflecting armor. The bullets came back at Hardy and Hardy had to duck so that he wouldn’t die.

Next John Nightnight came at him with a karate kick, but Torque was too swift. He grabbed Nightnight’s legs and threw him at Beans, who was about to shoot a rifle. Then, Snog-Dog used his sky powers to make a big wind that would blow Torque out the door, but Torque fought back with a fire shooting ray. He was just about to take over the plane and crash it into a mountain when Professor Blowjob leapt from the back of the plane and attached a grenade to his suit. Torque looked down at his suit and said, “oh shit!” Then Blowjob pushed him out the hole. At first it looked like he blew up in the sky, but then they saw him parachuting down and shouting, “You haven’t seen the last of me!”

The Storm Fighters were wounded, but they were brave. That is, until they heard the message that Hazzard transmitted from his plane speakers.

“You think you won this round, Storm Fighters,” he said. “But it’s all been a trick! I sneaked in and killed your pilot before the plane even took off. Then I replaced him with one of my robots. Don’t try to get through the door, it’s been reinforced to blow you up if you try to open it. Right now the plane is taking you to a secret lair. There, I will torture you until you all die! And I’ll put humiliating videos of you on the Internet, so that people will think you were un-American!”

“What do you want from us, Hazzard?” Hardy screamed. “We’ve got cash!”

“I don’t want your silly little cash,” Hazzard said. “I want revenge.”

“And so do I,” said a voice. No one recognized the voice. No one except for Hardy, who recognized it all too much.

“Jacky Minx,” Hardy said. “Somehow I thought this had your fingerprints on it.”

“You’re right, Hardy,” she said. “But I always loved you. But sometimes when you love someone, you have to make them hurt.”

“Who’s Jacky Minx?” whispered Beans.

“The woman who split up Hardy and Hazzard’s friendship,” whispered Lady Midnight. “Personally, I never thought she was worth it.”

“I heard that, Midnight!” Jacky Minx screamed. “I’ll humiliate you the most!”

“Someone’s getting in trouuuuubllllle,” said John Nightnight.

“Oh, not just someone,” said Mark Hazzard. “All ones. And now I bid you adieu, until we meet again in my torture chamber.”

“Noooo!” Hardy screamed, but it was too late. The jet had flown into a mountain and was landing in a secret hideaway.

Next episode: Hideaway Hijinx