This is already the twelfth time you’ve seen this clip today, but here it is again:
(Note: This was the video of Joaquin Phoenix on David Letterman. It is no longer there, because CBS does not cotton to people watching free advertising for their programs. And also, they are in charge of the Internet.)
Here’s one of 25 Random Things about Me that you might not know (and probably never would have if it weren’t for Joaquin Phoenix because chances are slim I’ll ever get around to writing that freaking list): I am a master of knowing the difference between realness and fakeness. For instance, I called bullshit on Donnie Davies the minute I saw it. That’s right, I’m smart. And also: this is totally fake. I was with Joaquin for the first half of this experiment. I thought, “it’s not necessarily that implausible that someone would quit acting, grow a crazy beard, and become a rapper.” But now, we can say with certainty that this is a hoax movie-in-progress, a la Borat, and Letterman is in on it. Trust me. This is bad improv.
For comparison, take a look at this clip from a few years ago:
People do not go from Tom Hanks to Gary Busey just because they’ve grown a beard. People who are so messed up on drugs that they can’t even get through an interview on Letterman do not go on Letterman, unless they are Gary Busey, who is an exception to every rule. Plus, Letterman would never allow this much dead space on his program if the celebrity was really making him uncomfortable. And he wouldn’t be this antagonistic with a major celebrity guest who clearly needed help. For all these reasons, I declare: BULLSHIT!
That doesn’t make it any less interesting, mind you. But when the movie or reality show comes out in a year and you’re all like, “wait, Joaquin Phoenix isn’t crazy now? My mind is blown!” I will be back here on my blog giving myself high fives for winning a contest in which there are no other competitors.
Also: this is the end of meta.