More Boob-themed Restaurants, Please
I have never been to a Hooters. I know how this conversation goes: someone will write, “they actually have great wings,” and then someone else will write, “oh, sure, you go to Hooters for the wings!” Just like if I were to mention an article in Playboy, someone would say, “oh, sure, you read it for the articles!” and we’d all have a good laugh at a joke that is the comedic equivalent of taking a pair of time-scissors to my lifespan. Well, I’m sure the wings at Hooters are delicious, and Playboy really does have a history of printing quality articles, so that argument is settled, and please put your time-scissors away.
What I will say is that, as open as I am to the idea that Hooters has more to offer than women in tight t-shirts, I think we can all agree that the tight t-shirts are the basic reason for the chain’s existence. That’s a given. They wouldn’t have survived if the food was inedible, and I’m sure the food is equivalent to what you would get at any chain restaurant, but really … it’s all about the theme.
The point of all this is that they’re now being given a run for their money:
Good restaurateurs know how to sell the sizzle, and few chains have done a better job of hustling the stuff over the past 2½ decades than Hooters.
But now, inspired by the success of Hooters’ wings-toting female staff, restaurants such as Twin Peaks, Bone Daddy’s and other local operators with cute waitresses, cold beer and a male clientele are, well, busting out all over. And Texas, where the sole Hooters’ franchisee is both the chain’s sales leader and No. 1 in locations nationally, is a prime market for the “breastaurant” concept.
I don’t know that I really object to this on a political level. I sure don’t see many unattractive people waiting tables in the restaurants I go to, and Hooters is maybe even a little more admirable for being open about what they’re doing.
What I object to is … really? We can’t exist with just one boob-themed restaurant? We need several? Somehow, one boob-themed restaurant seems understandable to me. It’s a hook. But several boob-themed restaurants suddenly becomes an epidemic. My theory is that, for straight guys, Hooters is the meal equivalent of leaving a seat in between you and your friend at a movie. It’s gay to eat dinner with another guy, but it’s totally straight to look at boobs with another guy and have a bite while you’re doing it.
Have any of you ever been to a Hooters? The idea fascinates me. Do people openly stare at the waitresses’ breasts? Or do you have to pretend you’re not staring, as we must when we encounter a voluptuous pair in the normal world? If it’s the latter, can’t you just do that at any restaurant?
We’ll see if the world really needs to see this theme exploited any further. If I were an investor, I’d say Hooters has already done it. What we need is to take the boob theme into the greater world. Boob-themed drug stores. Boob -themed laundromats. Boob-themed parks and recreation centers. That’s the future.
Interstate Breaststops?
Coast to Coast Furniture and Piano Boobers?
Post-liquidation Circuit Titty?
Seriously, I swear… the food at Bone Daddy’s is good. And it’s different food than wings (although I can’t for the life of me remember what it was… barbecue, maybe), thus the need for more boob-themed restaurants. I haven’t been to either of Austin’s Twin Peaks locations yet, though. Nor the other 3-4 boob-themed restaurants that I’m pretty sure are around here. True story, though… my first trip to a Hooter’s was because a lady friend loved their wings.
I’ve been to a Hooters. I looked at the boobies. I’ve also been to a strip club called American Bush.
Just for that, I’m going to Cheetahs tonight.
Ha…time-scissors…you kill me Dinsmore.
And by the way, my entire life is boob-themed.
I once worked as an office assistant for a company in Manhattan, and my boss asked me to book a birthday lunch at Hooters for my other boss. The reason? He was gay, and she thought it would be simply hilarious if everyone in the office went to Hooters with a gay man. I recall neither the boobs nor the wings, but this was the only job from which I’ve ever been fired. The reason? I didn’t “fit in.”
The “Twin Peaks” restaurant reminds me of the time I went to a baseball card fair because I was trying to track down a pack of collectible cards tied-in with the “Twin Peaks” TV series (this was before the Internet was all pervasive and if you wanted to find something rare you actually had to go outside). I asked a pot-bellied gent at the fair if he knew of anyone who might have these “Twin Peaks” cards, and he said, “The only twin peaks I know about are tits.” Then another guy said, “‘Twin Peaks’… that was that soap opera, right?” I left after that. Apparently, I didn’t fit in at the baseball card fair either.
The fries at Bone Daddy’s are YUMMY!
#1. Hooters wings suck ass
#2. The time-scissors line was golden.
#3. The draw of Hooters is not just the starbursts of cleavage. The short shorts are also a key factor. But mainly the tits.
#3. On the rare occasion I go to a Hooters I gaze openly and longingly at the breasts. I like tits and make no apologies for it. It’s an obsession that has served me well.
We can all agree that the nylons under short-shorts are a travesty, though, right?