Pet Peeves
In no particular order …
1) People who laugh at the pre-movie “Turn off your cell phone” warning: There are three major theater chains in LA, and they’ve run the same damn marginally-amusing warning video before their movies for as long as I’ve lived here. In one, an opera singer opens her mouth to sing, when she is interrupted by the ringing of a cell phone. In another, a guy who is talking on his phone in the theater gets zapped by some ray from outer space. The tagline reads, “Don’t annoy the evil space aliens. Turn off your cell phone.” Neither of these warnings are particularly amusing or well-constructed, yet almost every time I see a movie (which is often) at least one person in the audience will laugh, indicating that they have not been to a movie in at least the last 5 years and that they have an incredibly low bar for amusement. If this is you, please stop. It only encourages the theater chains to continue running these awful videos.
2) “Look”: I’ve written about this before as it relates to politics, but since I’ve become aware of it, I’ve noticed that all manner of people use the word “look” as a refocusing verbal tic. Example: I ask you how you plan to solve the economic crisis, and you say, “Look, it’s not going to be easy.” I equate it to my old pet peeve opening phrase (which thankfully I don’t hear very often anymore): “You don’t understand.” The impression it conveys is that I need to stop asking you stupid questions and accept your authority in this matter. It’s strange how one word can convey such an aggressive message, but it does, and it drives me nuts.
3) People who wear sunglasses at night: The only reason I can see for doing this is to hide your eyes, which are bloodshot from doing too much cocaine. If that is the only reason for doing something, than it is not a very effective trick. Because clearly, if you are wearing sunglasses at night, you are the type of person who hangs out with other people who know why you are wearing the sunglasses. No one is thinking, “he’s wearing sunglasses at night! He must be pretty cool.” They are thinking, “he’s wearing sunglasses at night! He must do a lot of cocaine.”
4) People who respond to only one request in a multi-request email: This is everyone. I know the solution, which is to only send one request per email. Still, it annoys me to think that humans are incapable of reading a single email and responding to it in its entirety.
5) People who call me “bro” who are not really my bros: If I’m your bro, please feel free to call me “bro.” If you are handing me my coffee at Starbucks, I am not your bro. Please call me sir.
6) Emoticons: you cannot make up for the fact that you’ve just written something incredibly rude to me by ending it with a 
. And even though they are by now instantly recognizable, I still feel the need to turn my head at a 90 degree angle to read them. They’re ugly little horizontal pictures tossed into my clean world of vertical letters and I hate them.
7) Help file search boxes: it is nearly impossible to find the help you need by searching a help file. Even if the answer is right there, the search never seems to get to it. For example, do a search for “fast forward” in iTunes, and there is no result. One would think this would be a pretty common function on a device used for playing music. The cassette player I had as a kid had 5 buttons, and one of them was “fast forward.” The ability to fast forward to a certain point in a song is among the most essential services a music player can offer. Yes, I know how to do this in iTunes without checking the help file, but that’s no excuse.
People who dress their pets for cold weather: Dogs were genetically engineered to live in cold environments. They’ll survive. Please remove the coat and hat.
1) The Alamo Drafthouse (the best theater chain in the universe, particularly the downtown one which now serves liquor in addition to the chain-standard beer/cider) has “Turn off your cell phones” things featuring clips from movies in which someone is killed dramatically, ending with text such as “Turn off your cell phone, or we’ll take your ass out.” They also sometimes use the Itchy and Scratchy no cell phones thing from the Simpsons episode with the Itchy and Scratchy movie. I often laugh at these… even though I’ve seen them a billion times now. Of course, remember, there’s liquor involved.
2) I hate that, too. I actually had someone tell me “What you don’t understand is…” during a conversation last spring. I left soon afterward rather than punch him. Soooooo annoying.
3) I don’t think anyone snorts cocaine in Austin, in that I can’t remember ever seeing anyone in Austin wearing their sunglass at night.
5) Barney Stinson has something to say about broliferation, as well.
6) I started using them in my early experiments with chatting on the interwebs, and I now I can’t help it
7) I had that experience today. My favorite was that Windows help gave me the glossary for ISO (because it wasn’t in any other help file), and… ISO wasn’t in the glossary, either. I just wanted to burn a disc, is that so much to ask? Admittedly, it was an Ubuntu disc, so Windows may have figured out what I was up to and attempted to thwart me.
Chihuahuas have been bred for colder weather than dogs were engineered to survive. Sadly, chihuahuas may actually need help to survive in cold weather. The solution is *not* to dress your chihuahua for cold weather. The solution is to not own a chihuahua.
9) I have now written more on your blog this month than I have on mine.
1) You are allowed to laugh at a quality pre-movie cell phone warning. The warnings I have seen are below subpar. Next time I’m in Austin, I will visit your Drafthouse and determine whether or not these warnings are laugh-worthy. If I determine these warnings to be deserving of laughter, I will grant you and anyone who attends this Drafthouse a full pardon from my list of pet peeves. If, however, I find the warnings to be less humorous than you have presented them, I will create a new subspecies of pet peeve for you and your ilk, to be determined. (Please note that you are allowed to influence my opinion through the use of inebriating substances.)
7) I’m sure you’ve discovered this by now, but ImgBurn is a great freeware program for burning ISO files. Please let me know how your Ubuntu experience goes … I’d love to move over, but I’d hate to start over again from square one.
You are absolutely correct regarding the chihuahua’s inability to deal with cold weather. But did you know that chihuahuas are technically not considered dogs? It’s true! They belong to a small species of mammals known as “uselessines.”
tweak asked me to tell you, “grrrrrrrr.”
xo
Dammit! I forgot about Tweak. He definitely belongs to an entirely new species that is yet unnamed.
I wait and wait for a quality entry and this is what I get? What are you, Seinfeld? ;P
You know who you can never please? Some people.
Look bro, clearly you just don’t understand how hi-larious the cell phone warnings are for the people that have not been to movies in 5 years, namely, me. Yes, we do exist in the land of people with small kids. Unless Kung Fu Panda counts and then I have seen movies. With you. Bro.
1) I highly recommend being in Austin sometime for just such an experience.
4) My new pet peeve is with myself, making jokes so clever that I’m the only one who notices them.
7) I used… um, I don’t remember now (it’s on my laptop, and I’m on my desktop) some Windows Powertoy for ISO burning. I have Ubuntu on my other desktop, but I don’t use it often enough to know for sure that I love it. It still isn’t on the laptop, though; the image apparently didn’t burn properly (it’s possible it didn’t download properly); I couldn’t even get the “verify disc contents” part of the installer to run. That laptop vexes me greatly.
Barack “look” Obama and I
:):) must drive you batty!
And… what Mandy said!
I knew the parents were going to find a way to be offended by my cell phone comments. If you come to my hood and laugh at the “Do not anger the evil space aliens” warning uproariously, it will not make me reconsider my peeve … it will just make me question your sense of humor.
And YES, Obama is one of the worst perpetrators of the “look.” Love the sinner, hate the sin.